Saturday, March 17, 2012

Full Circle

Last night, Gary and I met with our accountant to do our taxes.  The moment he saw us, he said, "Is mom watching the baby?"  I knew it was coming, just as I knew it was coming with our handyman/plumber.  Luckily, Gary was with me this time and so he explained why there was no baby for my mom to watch.  Our accountant apologized up and down and inside out and you could tell he was sincere.  Funny how I am getting to be an expert at reading people's sorrow.

That has got to be it, right?  Have I now officially seen everyone?  Doctor, dentist, accountant, handyman, bank teller, waitress...I think we have seen everyone.  We are so lucky to have so many people care and yet I am not sure how much more ripping of my heart that I can take.

Let's backtrack a little to before last night and talk a bit about last week.  My first business trip!  It was really great.  In one day, I flew from Pennsylvania to Ohio where we rented a car to drive to Indiana and then drove to Kentucky to our facility which is located there.  Who knew I could see 3 states in one trip?  It was so great to meet the people that I have worked with for years in different capacities.  My new gig has a trainer gave me the opportunity to get face time with so many different people that span the whole company.  My boss and I trained our butts off and I even got to do one class solo.  Sure, there were only 3 people in that class, but they seemed mesmerized!  They were attentive and engaged and they laughed at my jokes!  I would like to have sent them flowers as a thank you but I understand that is a bit much.  My boss did the rest of the training while I took thorough notes and prepared enough so that when the need arises for us to go back, I can do even more.  

There was some down time each night in which my boss and I went to dinner and there was the drive back and forth to the facility each day.  I expected to be able to have some deep conversations with her on this trip, but she seemed to want to keep it light and whether that is because she is my boss or that is just her character, it was ok with me.  

Gary stuck a little Captain America in my bag so that a part of him was with me the whole week.  I did a Flat Cap (stolen idea from Flat Stanley) and brought my little superhero with me everywhere I went.  It cracked me up the whole time.  Here are some examples:

Cap loved the hotel/casino where we stayed
Everyone in the warehouse was very nice to him!

Cap's first laptop!

Cap so wanted to drive the rental car!

And now I am back.  I am unpacked and the washing machine is running away upstairs.  We have another trip in early May, but that is just 2 days I believe.  I am already looking forward to it.

Between now and then, so much will happen.  My sweet niece, Ella, will turn one year old.  My oldest nephew, Sean, will have his First Communion.  And in the middle, we will celebrate Allie's Day.  Just immediate family and a few close friends.  We will do a balloon release out back by her creek and have cupcakes with pink icing.  We will celebrate that joy that she has brought us in so many ways, even without physically being here.

I read this quote last night and it's staying with me.
"When a baby is born, it's a mother's instinct to protect their baby. When a baby dies, it's the mother's instinct to protect their memory." - author unknown
I feel like we are coming full circle....closing in on a year that brought unbelievable horror and sadness and grief.  And unbelievable love and support and survival.  I am so glad to be protecting my baby's memory - and am so grateful to every one of you for helping me do that as well. 


  1. Ugh...the accountant! Well I am glad that's over and you have made it through the list of people... I hope! It's always hard anticipating those things!

    Glad your business trip went so at you wanting to buy them flowers for being so good to you, but you must have been THAT good my friend!

    I love that quote, it is SO true! Making it to that year mark does have a feeling of coming full circle. While it is so hard and sad there is a feeling of WOW, we actually survived the first year and then the second doesn't seem *quite* so impossible.

  2. I hated going through the list of people, knowing eventually I would have to explain to people that we aren't pregnant anymore, we had our baby too early. Then it got worse after we lost our second boy. Not fun at all. Both boys were lost due to incompetent cervix so hopefully with a future pregnancy we'll make it past the 19 week mark. I hope that you and your husband are able to get pregnant again without too many issues. All of the anniversaries are hard to go by, but that's part of the life we have I guess. *hugs* thinking about you. Hope things get a little bit easier.


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