Not Over You

I keep hearing this song by Gavin DeGraw on the radio called, "Not Over You".  It's cute and catchy and and all the things that make for good pop radio.  It's a song about a break up, or so it seems.  I never listened that much as I am usually changing stations looking for something else when it comes on.  Anyway, today on my way into work, this lyric jumped out at me.  I am sure I am taking it out of context, and yet it still resonated.  

"If you ask me how I'm doing, I would say I'm doing just fine.  I would lie and say that you're not on my mind." 

I say I am doing fine all the time.  Am I lying?  Surely my daughter is on my mind.  But somewhere along this journey, I realized that sometimes it just easier to say that I am fine.  And I think that's ok.

Last week, I was told a story of a woman with stomach cramps who went to the hospital and delivered a 37 week old baby.  She did not know she was pregnant.  I can't stop thinking about that.  It's not that I feel it's unfair (which it is) or that I wish it was me (which I do)...it's just that it blows my mind that something like that could happen in this day and age.

Over the weekend, Gary and I went to Baltimore.  My brother-in-law and sister-in-law gave us a "weekend getaway" for Christmas/Hanukkah and it was for late March.  It was a one night hotel stay, tickets to the Baltimore Aquarium and a restaurant.com gift certificate for the waterfront restaurant in the hotel. 

It was a wonderful little escape and we enjoyed it immensely.  It's always nice to get away and the gesture behind the gift was so lovely.  All the money we saved by not having to buy tickets or pay for dinner, we pretty much spent in the gift shop.  My Visa sent me a text saying they thought my card was stolen. Oops.  I can't divulge what we got our nieces and nephews yet as we have not seen them to share their new goodies with them, but I can tell you that there was a little board book about sea turtles that Gary got for us to have for when we have a little one in our very own house.  It brought tears to my eyes - tears of sadness for the little one we do not have and tears of hope for the little one that we might someday actually have.

So, no, Allie - I am "Not Over You".  I never will be.  I do not want to be.  But I am learning more each day how to go on without you physically here.  For you are always in my heart.