re·spect
/rəˈspekt/
noun
- 1.a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
How do you explain respect to an almost-seven-year-old?
My darling daughter. The sunshine and joy in my heart. The rainbow at the end of a storm. The most stubborn person I know!!
I am not sure respect is something that can be taught. Which is why I am having a heck of a time explaining to Miranda that she needs to respect Gary and me, no matter what.
Why she asks? Then she pouts. Often she yells. Then the inevitable foot-stomping ensues.
I am ok with having a spoiled child. She will want for nothing in this life, as long as I have a say in the matter. But I won't have a spoiled rotten kid. And there's a difference.
After a month of sass out the wazoo, I decided my punishments needed to be more extreme. When I take away the iPad, she plays video games. When I take away the Nintendo Switch, she watches a movie on Netflix. She has so much that taking away material things is of no consequence.
So, yesterday, I canceled a weekend away that we were planning, just us girls. Today I canceled a movie date that we had with new friends in the neighborhood. With each punishment, I am also being penalized, but it does not matter if she gets it.
SHE IS NOT GETTING IT.
Is it that she can't understand what it means to be respectful because I let earlier behavior slide? I refuse to believe that a month away from seven years old, she can't learn. She is excelling in her math and spelling tests. She brings home amazing projects that she works on in school. She respects her teachers. She respects her aunt and uncles. She respects my co-workers. So isn't it logical that she respect her parents??
She's better with Gary than me. He is firmer and doesn't take her nonsense.
Well, game on, my dear. I will keep canceling things until you get it.
It's my job to give her the tools to be the best person she can be. If that means she dislikes me for a little bit, so be it.
I swore I thought I had a few more years for this crap!
On the other hand, when she is good, she is so very good. She makes my heart soar and makes me so proud with the way she handles so many situations. We have one more session left in the art therapy that we have been attending, and then we all agree that Miranda is in a good place right now. She has the tools she needs to deal with her emotions regarding Allie, and I feel like we can "check the box" so to speak of doing all we can at this time for her.
Miranda also loves religious school. When asked if there was anyone from her class that she wanted to invite to her birthday party next month, she said her teacher! And she meant it. There is not an adult in the synagogue that does not get a hug every Sunday morning. When I peek in on her singing the prayers, often her eyes are closed, and her head is swaying to the music. Can you even?
So it's not all catastrophe! I just am frustrated that I have somehow let her down by not properly giving her the lessons that I am supposed to provide her with as a foundation in life. Luckily, no one is too old to learn. Even me!
I love my toothless wonder. I love the life we have. I love who Miranda is and who she is going to be...even if it takes us some canceled plans and exasperated times ahead!
Bigger kids, bigger problems, right?
So help me during her teenage years!
