Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Passion

I was recently asked what I was passionate about. I did not even have to think about it. I am passionate about my family.

My first daughter died at 37 weeks, a mere three weeks before she was due to be born. I did not know that could happen in this day and age and I was devastated.

My second daughter was adopted two days after she was born. Originally, I did not know if adoption was the right path for us and I was scared and anxious and afraid.

Both of these girls, the one I dream about when I close my eyes and the one I hold in my arms when I am awake, have made me a mom and have helped me come alive.

A mother, to me, does everything she can to make sure her child is safe. She loves unconditionally and gives completely.

I missed out on being a mom to my first daughter.  Although she made me a mother, I feel like I never got to be her mom.  With my second daughter, I had to learn how to do everything as if it was my first time around because it was. There was nothing easy about any of it and yet I enjoyed it (and still do!) more than I ever thought possible.

Maybe it has nothing to do with death and loss and grief. Maybe I just see this amazing child and know that she deserves it all.

I want my living child to grow up strong and loved and confident and fierce. I want that with my whole heart. 

Yesterday, we took advantage of the unseasonably warm temperatures and went to the local zoo. My sister-in-law and nieces joined us there. I could not stop smiling. Despite all that we have been through, we were just a couple of moms, taking our kids on a little adventure, passing the time with laughter and love and memory making. It was nothing and everything at the same time.

There was a time that I did not think we were going to be able to raise our children together. I worried that I would never parent a living child. I thought I would be lonely forever.

I am so happy that I was wrong.

My passion is my family. Those of my blood and those of my heart. To me, they are one and the same.

 

Monday, February 13, 2017

This Is Us

Much has been written about the new NBC drama, This Is Us. It’s a heartfelt show that really resonates with viewers far and wide. Many are calling it one of the best new shows of the season. I am one of those viewers.
 
The core of the show is the mother and the father. They are pregnant when the show begins and expecting triplets. They are excited and scared and nervous and anxious.

Unexpectedly, one of the babies is born still. They have to mourn that loss and learn how to move forward with their lives.
 
Expecting to bring three babies home from the hospital, they are heartbroken.  

As luck would have it, there was a baby who was brought to the hospital on the same day that the other babies were born who was without a home. 
 
They adopted this baby and brought him home and into their family.
 
As the children start to grow, each faces unique situations that make them who they are. 

The show is shown in the present as well as the past so that the viewer can see all the different versions of the characters.
 
One child, the only daughter, has struggled with her weight her whole life. She often felt like an outcast and tried every diet imaginable. She even flirted with gastric bypass surgery on a recent episode.

The biological father of the adopted child comes back into his son’s life. We later learn that he is gay.

So why do I care? Why does this show matter to me? It’s just television, right?

Well, my first daughter was born still. My second daughter was adopted. I was seriously considering bariatric surgery (met with the surgeon and everything) up until about three weeks ago. And my father was gay.

I like to think that my life experiences are so unique, but it turns out that many of the themes of my life (love, loss, hope, fear) are so common that they made a TV show about them.

It is interesting to see how Hollywood deals with some very real issues. I have been impressed with how they have handled a variety of topics. Plus the show was just renewed for two years, so it’s not going anywhere.

This show is a great escape for me. Sometimes I laugh. Often times I cry. These fictional characters have given a very real glimpse into my life. I applaud this new show and the perspective it brings.


Learning to Love Yourself No Matter What

One of the problems with being a writer is that I use words as therapy. By writing my thoughts and feelings, I can often make sense of the w...