Sunday, April 27, 2014

Parts of Me

I have curly hair.  Have my whole life.  There are some baby pictures of me where it was more wavy than curly, but for the most part, I have always been a curly girl.  

Allie had curly hair. Who knows what it would have looked like if it had the chance to grow, but when I held her and touched her, her dark curls were very much present.

Miranda has straight hair.  When she was born it was dark and straight and now it is much lighter, but still straight.  Fresh from the bath or after playing around really hard, sometimes there are some curls at the bottom.  Time will tell what her hair will look like as she grows older.

We were in Costco yesterday and the woman in line ahead of us was commenting on how precious Miranda was and how good she was behaving.  Then she noticed her little ponytail and said, "I wonder if she will grow up to have curly hair like you!"  I just smiled and said, "You never know!"

Because you don't.  I did not want to say that Miranda was adopted so it was highly unlikely that she would have my hair.  And if her hair turns out to be curly, that is certainly not anything she got from me.  That makes me sad.  I want her to have parts of me.

And then I make myself stop thinking like that.  I take a moment to watch the smiles that Miranda brings to others just by being in the same room with them.  I watch the fierce determination on her face when she is trying to take something apart or put something together or try to get into a cabinet that has been child-proofed.  I see her passion and love and energy and excitement and think that some of that had to have come from me.  She has parts of me - you just can't see them.  Or actually, maybe you can. You just have to know HOW to look - not WHERE to look.  

We may not have the same hair...we may not have the same smile...but love has made her a part of me and I could not imagine her ever feeling that she is less a part of me because she did not physically come from my body.  She grew in my heart (and continues to do so each and every day) and I think  - no, I know - that is enough.  It simply has to be!

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