Today is International Bereaved Mother's Day. A day created for mothers who have children that they carry only in their hearts. Mother's who have experienced the agony of having a child that is not here on earth with them. I believe this day is deliberately the Sunday before the traditional Mother's Day.
I was so aware of it in years past. Today, it was just another day.
Mother's Day is SO loaded for me. For over 35 years, it was a celebration of my mother. Then it was my time to celebrate and right before I got to the finish line, to be able to call the day my own, my child was taken away from me. I was told I was still a mom, but I had such a hard time feeling like I deserved to be able to celebrate. All the ads and commercials were a slap in my face. I was so sad and angry and in some ways, even though surrounded by so many, alone.
|My Mom and Me|
This year, Mother's Day falls on my due date with Allie. It's ironic that it was not until I had Miranda that I was really able to embrace being a mom and yet Allie makes sure to find ways to remind me that she made me a mom first!
As for International Bereaved Mother's Day, I think it's important to spread awareness. I think it's important to bring attention to the Mother's that do not have children to help celebrate them. I can't help but feel, though, that that acceptance and recognition needs to come from within.
I can hear my grief counselor saying to me over and over that I am a mother. Sitting in her office, still so empty and raw, she reminded me over and over that I was a mom. That I was a mother from the moment Allie was conceived. That remembering her and honoring her and being the best person I could be were all important parts of being a mom. And yet it was so hard for me to grasp. Now that I am parenting, I do not need anyone to remind me that I am a mom. It's so different to be a mom versus being a parent.
I understand that M might have a hard time one week from today, when Mother's Day creeps up and she does not have her child to celebrate with. We do. She made her adoption plan and I know she is happy with us and happy with the way Miranda is growing and thriving but it must be so hard for her to have delivered a child that she is not raising. I get that. In some ways it is different, but in some ways, so very much the same.
So to all the mom's on all the day's - this Sunday, next Sunday, last Sunday...Happy Day. Celebrate every day that you are a caregiver or a nurturer or a support system or a shoulder to lean on...
Do not let the calendar dictate your happiness or your sorrow. Does that sound preachy? Well I think I earned that right! Just be sure to be the best mom you can be. At least that is what I am doing. And so far, so good. So very good.
|Miranda and Me|