Sunday, May 4, 2014

International Bereaved Mother's Day

"International Bereaved Mother’s Day is a temporary movement. We take part in this day to use our voices to speak up and about what the true meaning of Mother’s Day. It is our greatest hope that sometime in the near future all mothers will be remembered and recognized and there will be no need for this day at all."

Today is International Bereaved Mother's Day.  A day created for mothers who have children that they carry only in their hearts.  Mother's who have experienced the agony of having a child that is not here on earth with them.  I believe this day is  deliberately the Sunday before the traditional Mother's Day.

I was so aware of it in years past.  Today, it was just another day. 

Mother's Day is SO loaded for me.  For over 35 years, it was a celebration of my mother.  Then it was my time to celebrate and right before I got to the finish line, to be able to call the day my own, my child was taken away from me.  I was told I was still a mom, but I had such a hard time feeling like I deserved to be able to celebrate.  All the ads and commercials were a slap in my face.  I was so sad and angry and in some ways, even though surrounded by so many, alone.
My Mom and Me

This year, Mother's Day falls on my due date with Allie.  It's ironic that it was not until I had Miranda that I was really able to embrace being a mom and yet Allie makes sure to find ways to remind me that she made me a mom first! 

As for International Bereaved Mother's Day, I think it's important to spread awareness.  I think it's important to bring attention to the Mother's that do not have children to help celebrate them.  I can't help but feel, though, that that acceptance and recognition needs to come from within.

I can hear my grief counselor saying to me over and over that I am a mother.  Sitting in her office, still so empty and raw, she reminded me over and over that I was a mom.  That I was a mother from the moment Allie was conceived.  That remembering her and honoring her and being the best person I could be were all important parts of being a mom.  And yet it was so hard for me to grasp.  Now that I am parenting, I do not need anyone to remind me that I am a mom.  It's so different to be a mom versus being a parent.

I understand that M might have a hard time one week from today, when Mother's Day creeps up and she does not have her child to celebrate with.  We do.  She made her adoption plan and I know she is happy with us and happy with the way Miranda is growing and thriving but it must be so hard for her to have delivered a child that she is not raising.  I get that.  In some ways it is different, but in some ways, so very much the same.

So to all the mom's on all the day's - this Sunday, next Sunday, last Sunday...Happy Day.  Celebrate every day that you are a caregiver or a nurturer or a support system or a shoulder to lean on...

Do not let the calendar dictate your happiness or your sorrow.  Does that sound preachy?  Well I think I earned that right! Just be sure to be the best mom you can be.   At least that is what I am doing.  And so far, so good.  So very good.

Miranda and Me

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