I feel like I need to write today and yet, I am not sure what I want to say. Usually I have a topic in mind before I start, but I figured this time, I would just start typing and see what comes out.
Next week is 8 months that she is gone. I carried her for just a little longer than that. Soon it will be 9 months and then 10 months and before I know it, she will have been gone even longer than she was even here. That makes me sad.
I need something...but I am not sure what it is. I need to be a mom to a living child. Someone told me recently that they do not like that expression and guess what? Nor do I. But it is what it is. I need to get pregnant again, but apparently my body is not ready for that just yet. I need to feel that there is more to life than sorrow and pain, and some days I do. Other days, it's just too hard.
I am angry and sad and fearful and mad. I do not feel like shopping and I do not feel like celebrating. But I am here, my family is stronger than ever, I have nieces and nephews that want to play and I will NOT miss out on all of that.
So up I get each and every day...just waiting for that something that I hope one day will come.