Saturday, March 30, 2013
Good Friday / Bad Friday
Good Friday to me is the day I delivered my first born daughter still. In the past, it was a day off from work or the beginning of a long weekend or maybe just another Friday. Until I met Gary, Easter was not a holiday I celebrated so it did not have a lot of meaning to me. Good Friday was really just another day to me.
In 2011, Good Friday became Bad Friday. It was the darkest of days. It was agony, pain, fear, anxiety and so much sorrow. Yes, it was also the day that we held our precious angel and for that, I can't say it was all bad. But overall when I think of that day, it's with sadness in my heart.
Last year, Gary had a business trip that took him to Nashville over Easter. I flew down with him and we made a vacation out of it. We toured and traveled and had BBQ and listened to live music and made the best of the weekend that just a year ago was agony. We made new memories, but very carefully and deliberately. We celebrated life and each other and the strength and courage of our family to survive.
This year, Easter is early. Allie's "birth" day is still weeks away. I was not sure how I was going to feel.
We woke up on Good Friday and it really felt just like any other day. I was aware of the day, but my heart did not hurt like I thought it would. Gary and I went for a walk and enjoyed the fresh air. I have been training for a 5k and although my running is about as speedy as an 80 year old woman's, I am still trying my best. I feel good and am in better shape that I have been in quite some time.
Later that afternoon, we got a call from our social worker. We had met with our birth mother last week and the meeting went really well. We talked for hours and shared all kinds of stories and bits and pieces about ourselves. We got word after our meeting that she really liked us and was so glad she picked us. She felt a huge sense of relief after meeting us. Phew. Us, too! We also felt a bit panicked as she is very pregnant and the reality of our adoption journey was made clear. We are having a baby!!!!
In fact, we thought she was coming yesterday! On the very same day that our first daughter was delivered, we thought our second daughter was going to make an appearance! Our social worker called to say that our birth mother was heading to the hospital and she would call with updates. We were crazy! We ran to Target to get last minute things, did a quick load of wash and then waited. The next call said the contractions were too far apart and they were sending her home. She would call with any more updates. Ah!!!
It became clear to me then that Good Friday was not Bad Friday. It was a day just like any other. A day where bad things happen and where good things happen and a day where hopes are raised and a day when hopes are put on hold till the next call!
One thing is for certain, our daughter is coming and she is coming soon. I can't wait till the post that announces that she is here. I have a hunch it might be sooner rather than later...
My Dearest Allie, It’s been a while since I have written to you. I find it easier to write about you than it is to write to you. ...