Termination

This week I learned that the word "termination" can have more than one meaning.

On Wednesday, I went to work like it was any other day.  It was not however.  It was the anniversary of 9/11 and it seemed a much more somber day than usual.

Around 3pm, I got a call at my desk to come to HR.  My department had just merged with HR so I did not think anything of it.  In fact, I thought maybe that had added adoption benefits to the company handbook and I got excited.  Gary and I had mentioned before what a help it would be if our company supported adoption.

The call was not about adoption benefits.  Or any benefits.  They were eliminating my position.  Effective immediately.  There were no other roles for me at the company.  Do I have any questions.

WHAT THE WHAT??

I cannot go into detail here exactly how I felt as Gary still works for the company.  We met at that company. We fell in love while at the company.  We celebrated our pregnancy at that company.  We mourned Allie's death at the company.  We went through the adoption process at that company.  Less than 2 weeks ago, we brought Miranda in to that company.

To say I was blindsided is putting it lightly.  I literally felt the air whoosh out of my body.  My heart started to race.  I held in the tears until the person in charge left and then I feel apart.  Someone went and got Gary.  They read me my termination letter, Gary packed up my desk and out we went.

7 years and no room for me?  7 years and no chance to say goodbye?  7 years and I was made to feel as if I did something wrong?  Shame on you, company. Shame on you.

Somewhere during the tears and the fury, I realized that since they were terminating my position, that means I would be eligible for unemployment.  That means I get to be a stay-at-home mom.  That means I get to really be there for Miranda day in and day out.  I get to have play dates and Mommy & Me events and a whole bunch of other things that were much harder with working full time.  In a way, they set me free.

The last 2 days have been a blur of activity.  The Fields Family Fun Center is off the clock.  Their services are no longer needed full time.  I called Miranda's daycare and deferred her enrollment.  The deposit is good for a year so hopefully she can still go but just at a later date.  

I am torn between the bliss of knowing I can raise my daughter full time to the sorrow I feel of losing a job that I liked and that I was good at - no matter what happened at the end.  I need to get rid of the bitter taste in my mouth and see this as an opportunity.  The connections and networks that I made there will remain intact. Of that I am sure.

The second termination is WAY better. Today was the hearing for the Termination of (Birth) Parental Rights and everything went great!  The judge signed the termination orders for both parents on the state and federal level.  We have a few more legalities to take care of, but we are on track for finalization to occur on October.  Finalization is a court date we will attend in which a judge will declare Miranda "ours".  We are very excited for that day.  In the meantime, we are so happy with how the Termination went today.

Who knew termination could have so many meanings??

Our Rainbow - and my new full time job!!