I remember how sad I felt for much of that year. Hopeless and miserable and isolated. The rest of the world was moving forward and I was just stuck. I remember going to see the movie Bridesmaids and laughing out loud and then feeling so terrible for laughing. How could I laugh when my daughter died?
Eventually, the time and the love and support of those around us (and our fantastic grief counselor whom I still miss but know we do not need to see her anymore) really did heal my heart. The scars are still there - as well they should be - but life moves on. It's not that I am strong or courageous or brave. It's that I really had no other choice. What kind of legacy would it have been to my daughter's memory if I simply gave up?
Fast forward two years. Rosh Hashanah dinner will be at my mom's. She will have to prepare it while Miranda plays at her house all day. My brother and sister-in-law have moved back home. My other brother and sister-in-law just added to their family. We have a lot to be thankful for this year. We have a lot to celebrate. Our family is thriving and growing.
Yesterday, we took Miranda to a local farm where they have cows, chickens, goats and I think we even saw a donkey. We got some fresh watermelon and nectarines to bring home. I enjoyed some homemade ice cream. YUM. We took this picture which we plan to update annually. We met up with my friend and her daughter and we talked about going back when the girls were older and talked about what they wound enjoy the most. It was a lot of fun.
I love being a mom. I love being Miranda's mom. I feel such pride in all that she does. I post so many updates on Facebook that I fear they are going to start charging me for my membership. I do not care. We waited a long time for the apples and the honey and we are going to enjoy every moment that we can.
Happy New Year to my Jewish friends and followers. Heck, Happy New Year to everyone. I think we can all embrace the sweetness and the joy of a new chapter, a new beginning and a new start, right?
|Next time she will stand!|
|Miranda & Me|