I have the family that I was born into - and I love them very much. I have the family that I married into and I love them more than I ever thought possible. I have the family that I have worked hard to create and that family is my main source of pride and joy. I have the family of friends and almost-sisters that I cherish and adore. My newest family is the family that was created because of loss. That family consists of a group of moms who know what it's like to celebrate a birthday or a milestone for a child that is not here on earth. For a child that is a true angel.
One of Allie's friends is turning 5 this week. Her mom does not want a party or a cake or anything, really. She wants to be with her fellow "baby loss mamas" or BLMs. She wants to run away and there are several of us who are all to happy to oblige her!
I am usually an advocate of facing my issues. Dealing with them head on. Talking them out. Feeling them. Living them. When it comes to baby loss, though, there are no rules and the issues are different for all of us. I know first-hand how hard 5 was for us and therefore when my friend said, "Who is with me?", I raised my hand as high as I could. This is not a journey anyone should have to walk alone and a bunch of us rearranged our lives so that we would all be together later this week.
I can't wait.
This will not be a trip of boardwalk rides and amusement parks. We will not find a local zoo. We will not ask for a children's menu when we go out to eat. This will be at trip of healing and tears and I am sure some laughter, too. This will be a trip about us. A selfish, much needed escape.
I think it is so important to surround yourself with love and know to ask for what you need. It's a lesson that I had to learn the hard way, but one I am happy I learned nonetheless.
If you can and if you want to, run. Just make sure you come back home when you are done. That might be the sweetest part of the escape for me. I am not sure yet. I will let you know...