Tuesday, July 19, 2016

I May Be a Rock, But I Am Not an Island

"But if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
Nothing changed at all?
And if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
You've been here before?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?"
-Bastille

For too long, when it came to me personally, my glass was half empty. When I looked at my life in general, my glass was more than half full. But when it came to just me, there simply was not a lot in my glass at all.

That ends now. I am choosing to be an optimist instead of a pessimist. I am choosing to be happy instead of stressed and overwhelmed. I am choosing to make myself a priority and not forgetting how important that is to everyone, not just me.

So how can I make this change? I'm already in therapy. I am already working on my "issues". What else can I do?

I can start by letting people back in. I am a social person. I love people. I love places. I love things. (I actually really love things, but that's for another time). I somehow became closed off and isolated and let me tell you, I do not work well on an island. I need my people.

I post on Facebook and Instagram DAILY. I wonder if that is because I am using social media as a way to connect with people. I am sure it is. But I also want to use real life to connect with people, too.

Here's the thing. Lean in close. You still there? No one cares what size I am but me. No one cares what I weigh. Even my doctor just wants me to make smart choices, move my body and do my best. So why am I punishing myself for something that is so obviously a struggle for me?

A good friend recently told me that when she looks at me, she does not see me as someone who gained some weight back or is heavy or anything like that at all. She looks at me as someone who tried. Pure and simple. And she respects me for even trying to make myself healthier.

I do not know what I want to be when I grow up. I do know that I want to spend more time smiling than frowning. I also know that I want the same for my daughter and she will learn happiness from witnessing happiness all around her. I want her to be an optimist. I want us all to be!

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