Today I got to wear a new hat. Counselor.
Through a friend in my support group, I learned of a new mom who lost her daughter this past February. She was 33 1/2 weeks and went in for a routine appointment and just like that, found out her daughter was dead. She and her husband were devastated.
The last few months have been a blur for her. She has reached out to many people and many people have reached out to her. My friend asked if I would be willing to listen to this new mom and share my story with her and I was honored. What better way to keep Allie's memory alive than to share with others what she taught me?
We spoke for over and hour. Miranda napped through most of it (thank goodness!). I listened a lot and I shared a lot. This complete stranger became an instant friend. We shared stories. I shared survival tips & tricks as I like to call them. I gave her permission to be angry. Her daughter died. That totally blows. It's not fair. It's not ok. It's the worst thing imaginable. And then some.
We are going to keep in touch and hopefully meet up soon. She is local to the area and although she has a lot of friends and a close support system, there is something special about meeting other parents who have experienced the same horror. You can say and do anything and know you will not be judged. You can verbalize thoughts that scare you to say out loud. You can lean on each other and cry and know that you are not alone.
I hung up the phone and I felt both heavy and light. Heavy for the pain that this new mom is experiencing and light for the fact that my words were able to be of some comfort. She confided in me and I think I was able to help her. Another gift from Allie.
Sunday is Mother's Day. I want to stand up and shout, "I AM A MOM!". No one would think anything of it. But it's taken me a long time to be able to call myself a mom, to really believe that I am a mom. To 2 beautiful girls. It will be a celebratory day.
I am so grateful for the gifts my daughters have given me. Allie gave me the compassion to be there for others and Miranda gives me the joy of knowing what true happiness is day in and day out. My heart is full. Sometime heavy, sometimes light, but always very full.
Can't wait to see what hat I wear next...
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