Monday, July 1, 2013


Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
And isn't it ironic... don't you think 
-Alanis Morissette  

I remember listening to that song over and over in college.  And I remember the debates and discussions as to whether that really was irony.  Most people did not think it was.  Irony is "The expression of one's meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite, typically for humorous or emphatic effect."

To me, irony is that I used to count the days and weeks since Allie died and now I count the days and weeks that Miranda has been alive.  But I guess that really isn't irony.  It's more a concept of time and how it plays a role in my life.  One week till this, 2 weeks since that...

I have one week left with Miranda before I go back to work and I am very much aware of the precious little time that leaves us during this time in our lives.  Next Monday, we will drop her off at my mom's where she will be loved and cared for every bit as much as she is here.  I want my mom to have that time with her.  I want my brother and sister-in-law, who just moved back, to be able to bond with her.  But I want to be there when that all happens!

I know I have to work.  I think financially and emotionally I need to work.  But I also know how hard it is going to be to leave my little rainbow.  Even when I am leaving her in the best care possible.

On Friday, Gary, Miranda and I met with our social worker for our 2nd Post Placement Visit.  There are 3 total visits.  All went well and things are moving right along.  There will be a hearing to formally terminate the parental rights of Miranda's birth parents (the documents were all signed back in April) and then there will be a hearing for finalization where Gary and I will get Miranda's new birth certificate with our names and her name on the same document.  I do not want to rush the process, but I sure can't wait for that day! 

On  Saturday, we threw a surprise retirement party for my mom.  It's because she is retired that she is able to watch Miranda for us and so that is even more reason to celebrate!  It was so nice to be with our family and her close friends to celebrate the end of one chapter in her life and the beginning of the next chapter.  It's nice to be together to celebrate joy and and happiness.  I am glad the sorrow (for now) is behind us.

I see butterflies everywhere.  I wonder if Allie is trying to make her presence known.  The butterflies make me happy.  They do not make me sad.  She is always here with us.

So what is irony?  Did Alanis have it right?  Do I?   I think for me, it's not irony.  It's just time marching on and life evolving. I supposed the way it's supposed to be.

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop to look around once in a while, you could miss it."  -Ferris Bueller 

Oh, I am stopping plenty.  I do not want to miss a thing.

The happy retiree and her kids
3 Generations

Gary, Miranda and Me

No comments:

Post a Comment

The Grief Bomb

For years after Allie died, I was worried about each and every pregnant person that I knew. Or read about. Or heard a story about. If I sa...