Tomorrow morning at 8am, I will be one of them.
I have so many mixed feelings about going back to work. While I hate the idea of not being around Miranda all day long, I kind of like the idea of finding myself again. I like the idea of a purse and not a diaper bag...I like the idea of being able to use the bathroom with the door shut...I like the idea of getting back into the swing of things and having a routing again outside of this house.
It helps more than I can say that the baby will be with family for the next 3 months. I do not have to worry about her level of care as it will be every bit as good as it is here. I do not have to worry if we are late to drop off or early to pick up as my mom wants to make sure that these next 3 months are the best for her granddaughter and is willing to be and do whatever we need. Whatever she needs, really. I can call and text all day long. I can stop by for lunch. My hope is by the end of the 3 months, Miranda will be super prepared for the great daycare center that we hand picked for her and then be ready for "school". I see her meeting friends and sharing giggles and while all of it tugs at my heart, I know it is what is best for her. That is all that matters.
Do I think tomorrow will be hard? Yeah, I do. I am not going to pretend that it won't be. But isn't that what parenting is in some respect? Putting your child first? Doing what is best for them even if it is hard for you?
Gary walked in with yesterday's mail - 2 packages from Zulily and one from Baby Steals. If I am gonna keep shopping like I have been, I need an income! And fast.
And so I am trying to cherish the time we have - the evenings and the weekends and the holidays and hope that I am a good enough mom, a strong enough mom, that those times will make up for the times when I am not with her. I feel like they will as I was raised by a working mom, too.
Here's to the future...and here's the the 61% that are able to do what I am about to do tomorrow!
"Just like a rainbow, you know you set me free" - Depeche Mode
|Always in my heart|