As far as weeks go, last one was not a bad one. Miranda slept through the night each night. We got her to my mom's each morning on time. We got to work on time (even early). We picked her up without any trouble. When my mom ran out of formula, she made more. When Miranda got fussy, they went for walks. By the end of the week, they were pros.
Everyone has been very accommodating at work. I was greeted with many hugs and happy smiles and so many people stopped by my desk to see how I was. Miranda was given some presents. I was given lots of advice. There was a welcome back lunch. It was nice to have a routine again.
It took me well into the 2nd day to go to the bathroom when I wanted to and to refill my water bottle when it was empty - I had gotten very used to doing many things very rushed or not at all that I am not quite used to having some time of my own again - even if it is while I am at work! Gary and I went out to lunch one day and opened a bank account for Miranda. A task much easier to do without her with us! My arms felt empty during those days, but not in the way they felt empty when Allie died. They felt lighter, I guess...knowing they would be full again by dusk or sooner each night.
I was as exhausted this week as I was the week we first brought the baby home. Every bone in my body hurt. My pores hurt. The stress from the going back and the planning out each day and the making sure she is ok and that my mom was ok and then trying to actually do some work on top of it was exhausting. But I did it. And I will continue to do it. At least that is the plan for now! I am sure next week when I get my first pay check since Easter, I will be very happy that I went back!
I miss Miranda when I am not with her. I wonder what she is doing. I know she is having a good time and being so well taken care of, but I still micro-manage my ever-patient mom. When did she eat, did she burp, did she nap, for how long...and on and on and on. And she has not once told me to stop asking. Bless her heart. She understands as she raised 3 children. She understands because she knows me. She understands because she loves the family that I have built. She understands because she has been waiting for the privilege to help me raise my daughter for some time now.
Miranda Hope. We sure picked the right name for her. She is all that we ever hoped for each and every day.
I feel like that stress level may decline for me once I really get into the swing of things. But it may not. Only time will tell.
My last statistic for now: 85% percent of working mothers who say they are “very happy” or “pretty happy”. Hmmm...interesting. I have talked to a lot of mom's who work and many of them love the time they have for themselves and their careers as well as the time they have for their children and their families. It's finding the balance that will help me. And with so many great people in my corner and such an amazing family on my side, I think I just might be able to do that. In the meantime, however, I am not upset that tomorrow is only Sunday and I get one more day at home!!
|Miranda's "Village" of caregivers|
|Uncle Jeff trying out a new way to take Miranda for a walk!|
|She sleeps just fine at my mom's!|
|A surprise gift from Gary to remind me of our butterfly. I wear this bracelet along with Miranda's birthstone necklace that Gary got me for Mother's Day. I have both my girls with me no matter where I am.|