2 Stories

Over the weekend, Gary and I babysat our nephews and niece so their parents could go to a wedding.  We had the best time.  I was a little overprotective of Maddy (she will be 9 months this week) and I checked on her while she was sleeping more times than was probably necessary.  I think after you suffer a loss like we have, you do not take anything for granted you become very worried over the things that you cannot control.  I am happy to report that all my worry was for nothing and we all survived the night!

The next morning, after a successful night of sleep, we got up, made the kids breakfast and started playing.  The boys with their Lego’s and the baby with anything she could reach!  We were just relaxing and hanging out and enjoying each other.  My youngest nephew who turned 5 in May is quite a cuddler.  It’s the most darling thing when we climbs on you and burrows in.  It’s one of the cutest things in the world.  

Saturday morning, Ryan climbed up on me and patted my belly and asked if there was a baby in “there”.  I sat up so I could look him straight in the eye and I said, “No, buddy.  There is no baby in there.”  He then asked me if the baby that was in there had died.  I said yes, she had.  He asked if I was sad.  I said Uncle Gary and I were both sad, but we are a little bit better now.  He asked is the baby was with God and I said yes.  I felt so happy that he remembered that I was pregnant and that he was asking me questions about Allie.  I sat up straight and braced myself for more.  I can handle this!  I am strong!  Bring it on!!  Then he asked me for more milk.  And that was that.

Today at work, I went down to the cafeteria to get some ice.  I do this every single morning.  Today, as I was waiting to meet a friend, someone walked into the café that I had not seen for a while.  This is not unusual as my company is pretty big and we do not work anywhere near each other.   As I was nearing the ice machine and he the coffee machine, he said, “So how’s the baby?”  I was so taken off guard that I just said, “Uh, what?”  He said, “Uh, you were pregnant and had a baby…how is she?”  He looked at me like I had lost my mind.  I just said, “We lost her.  She was 37 weeks.  She was stillborn.”  The room was spinning and I was on the brink of tears and then he said, “Well you can try again!  My brother and sister-in-law tried to get pregnant for years and now they are having twins!”  I muttered something and eventually he walked away.  I wanted to say – we did not have any problems getting pregnant!  We had a baby!!!  She died!!!!  

I took a deep breath and came back to my desk and called Gary.  He was amazed this coworker had not heard.  It’s been 3 1/2 months after all.   But it is what it is and I think I handled it ok.  I went back to my desk and I did some work.  Because really what else was there to do?

Life goes on...the key is to go along with it as best as you can.  That is what I learned today.

Maddy - the morning after we babysat...happy and safe!