Saturday, August 27, 2016

Point of Fact

My dad used to say that all the time. "Point of fact". What does that even mean?

Point of fact, when you commit to becoming a writer, you are forced to look at a lot of things that sometimes are better left hidden. Writing has caused me to dust off the cobwebs of my memories and decide what might make a good "story" and what is better left unwritten. 

I started writing as an outlet for my grief and it slowly turned into something more than that. Five years later, I still write to deal with my loss and sadness, but I also write as a way to feel satisfaction. I feel good when a blog post is getting a lot of attention and now that I have the publishing bug, I feel tremendous. Reaching audiences has always been a goal but it's an even bigger goal now as more and more people read my words.

Point of fact, websites want personal stories. They want your unique perspective. That is wonderful. It's also painful. I am in the process now of living though events for a second time that I did not particularly want to live through a first time. I am doing it, though, because I think my experiences will help others. If not help, than at least entertain!

Point of fact, writing is an outlet for me. The more I do it, the better I feel. I used to write once or twice a week. Now I try to write daily. Even if it's just a little bit. I have a computer in our home office and a laptop that I can move around with me downstairs. I want to always be able to write.

Point of fact, Miranda was playing on the iPad this morning and she saw a game with a butterfly that we had downloaded for her. She got so excited (as she always does) that the butterfly must be a sign from Allie. Then she told me that Allie is her best friend and her sister. None of that is unusual for her to say. I know she sees the reactions she gets from Gary and me when she says things like that and it encourages her to repeat them. Today, though, she asked when Allie could come over to play.

I explained (as I always do) that Allie is is heaven. She can't come play with us. She lives in our hearts and that has to be enough. She pouted and said it's not. She is right.

Point of fact, parenting after loss is hard. Parenting in general is hard! It's all hard. However, writing is my outlet. I did not turn to a snack or a treat when Miranda and I just had that conversation. I showered her with kisses, told her our plans for the day and then picked up my computer. I already feel better.

Point of fact, one day this might all make sense. For now, I just wish it wasn't so damn hard.

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