Memories

"Memories light the corners of my mind
Misty water-colored memories of the way we were...

...So it's the laughter we will remember
Whenever we remember the way we were."

-Barbara Streisand

At the end of the day, all we really have are our memories. Of people and places and things that have impacted us the most. There are positive memories and negative memories. There are memories that make you spontaneously burst into laughter and ones that can instantly bring you to tears. 

I am not sure of the science behind memories, but I doubt that a 3-year old has a very long term memory. Meaning that the things we do now may not be with her always. But that's not why we do what we do. We act and behave in a way that causes a foundation of happiness and security and love that future memories can build upon. And some memories may just stick around.

On Saturday, we are headed to the beach for a week. I can't wait. I grew up going to the beach and can't wait to share the sights and sounds with my daughter. I want her to feel the sand in her toes and hear the crash of the waves and walk on the boardwalk. I want her to feel the sun on her face and feel the ice cream drip down her fingers while she tries to eat a cone. I want her to laugh and be free and I know she will be.

I have lots of memories of the shore. All of them are good. I hope to pass that on.

The other day, after a particularly long and trying day, I yelled at Miranda. I mean really yelled. I had to walk away from her because I scared myself so much. I am not a yeller. I did not come from a long line of yellers. It surprised me that I had it in me. Sometimes I just want everything to be so perfect for my daughter that I get carried away. I need to work on that. I do not want her to have that kind of memory! Surely she will remember that I got frustrated and maybe even sad, but I do not want her to ever think she is the source of me being mad. That is simply me projecting on to her.

It's not easy to be a parent. It's not for the weak or for those who have no patience. Every day, and I mean EVERY DAY, I learn something about myself from my child. Some of it is good. Some of it (like the yelling) is not so good. But I take it all in and try to learn from it.

I know next week at the beach may be challenging. But in the end, I expect it will be so worth it, too. Worth it to build memories for all of us.

Nothing like family!

Making memories with cousins

More memories