To Thine Own Self Be True

“Waiting around for someone else to make you happy is the best way to be sad.”

I found this quote online and it did not have a source but it was too good to not use.  

In my case, I am not waiting for someone else to make me happy - I am waiting around to realize that I am happy and that is enough.

I am always shopping. In stores and online. Looking for that next big sale or bargain or item that I must have. Once I have it, instead of being happy with my find, I am on to the next thing. I have always been like that.

Lately, I have been on the hunt for my next career move. Mind you, I left my last job to concentrate on my family and myself and I have been doing a pretty good job with that. So why not delete the app from my phone that looks for jobs and get it out of my head that I need to work? I can get more freelance clients. I can write till my fingers have lost all feeling. I do not need to go into an office right now. My job is to be at home. And trust me - there is plenty of work to do here!

That being said, I just got off the phone from a pretty great interview. They want me five days a week. I may have talked them into three. The problem? I DO NOT WANT THAT! Why am I doing this to myself? 

Why can't I get it through my head that it is ok for me to stay home? Miranda needs me. Gary likes all that I am getting done and it is taking a lot of pressure off of him. I am the one making these random rules for myself and all it is doing it causing unnecessary chaos.

Miranda will be in kindergarten before I know it. My time with her is so limited. Why do I feel ashamed to stay home and enjoy it? Is it because it took us so long to get here that I still can't believe I am a mom? I am not sure.

Mother's Day was so lovely. I got showered with gifts and love and felt so special. You know what, though? It was not that different of a day than any other day. Here we try to make every day special. And it's up to each of us to find the happiness inside that makes each day great, too.

I am all over the place. My thoughts are a mile a minute. I need to take a step back. I need to remember to breathe. I need to live more in the moment. I need to pay attention to what I am and who I am and what I am doing to myself.

I am trying. This blog is helping. One day at a time. One morning at a time. One afternoon at a time. I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy. Why does everyone know that but me?

Mother's Day Weekend