Lost

I spent the better part of this weekend drunk. That is VERY unusual for me.

Friday night was Girls Night Out. A group of us got together from near and far and it was the first time in close to a year that we were all in the same room. We laughed till it hurt. We shared stories. We caught up with each other. It was so nice to reconnect. I felt so good.

Yesterday, we spent the day with some family and for some reason, we started drinking martinis mid-afternoon. Before I knew it, my sister-in-law and I were several sheets to the wind and talking and sharing and just having the best conversations while the kids and dads more or less entertained themselves. I felt so good.

I have felt lost a bit this year so far. 2016 has been the year of the ear infection, the severe cold, the stomach bug, the job that is not a career (but a good job nonetheless!). It has been a year of questioning myself and my choices and I have not felt all that good about some of the choices that I have made.

If the wine and martinis of the last two days reminded me of anything, it is that no matter what goes on around me and no matter what I can control or not control, I am, at my core, still me. No matter what size or haircut or activity or job. I am who I am and I need to really learn to accept me. Others have...so why can't I?

If I am lost, it is because I am choosing to be that way.  There are lifelines all around me. It is up to me to grab them.

This week the temperature is supposed to be warmer. That means I am going to run again. It's time. My hibernation is over.

So much of what I do and who I am is to be a good role model for Miranda. She needs to see her mom making smart choices and choosing happiness over all else. I do not want to lose sight of that.

I struggle. We all struggle. I see the light at the end of the tunnel, though. I see my lifelines. I see my family and I know I want to be there and be a positive force in their lives. I want to no longer be lost. I want to feel good. I know that I can.