Monday, January 11, 2016

Full Disclosure

I made a commitment when I first started to blog. It was not a written promise nor an oral one. I am not sure I even knew I was making it at the time. I told myself that if I was going to write my story and share my life, I had to be honest and transparent and truthful. No matter what.

I have shared so much in this sacred space. My loss, my love, my hopes, my aspirations. It has been invigorating for me to discover that I not only like to write, but that people want to read my words. Writing is a powerful way to communicate and I do not ever take it for granted. Writing gives me the freedom I need to express myself.

So why this disclaimer? Well, I went to work last week. My first new job in 10 years. I was nervous and excited and way too early. When the time arrived, I walked in with my head held high and could not wait to see what opportunities were just behind that door.

It did not go well. In fact, it went pretty badly. They were not ready for me. No computer, no phone...and they kept asking if I was the new assistant. I stayed there until about 3:15 and then hightailed it home and went for a run.

Here's where it gets interesting. When faced with free time, I decided to exercise out my frustrations and not grab a Big Mac or a chocolate bar or both. That is still new for me. Next, instead of just throwing in the towel, I talked it out with Gary and my family and decided it was in my best interest to give it another shot. Bad first impressions are not ideal, but they can be turned into good second impressions. After all, what do I have to lose? Nothing. What do I have to gain? A lot.

This experience has opened my eyes. I am only working three days a week. Can't I do anything for that amount of time? It will pay for Miranda's daycare and then some - and isn't that the bottom line? Do I want a job or a career and how much am I willing to sacrifice for either?

Ugh! I just do not know! I do know, though, that I love my days home with my daughter and I am not prepared to give those up. So that means I can only work part time. I have not been able to find any writing jobs that pay what I want so that means I need an office job. I think this office job could be the right one, but we all have to get on the same page first.

Everything is a struggle. I do not know what that is the case, but it feels so true. Does that mean I appreciate the wins more when I work harder for them? I am not sure.

Tomorrow, I will pack my lunch and put on my grown-up clothes. I will give this gig a second shot. I think it's the right move to make. I hope it is. One thing is for sure - if it is or if it's not, I will be back here to write it out and figure out what to do next!

Day 1

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