I love the lights and the festivities and the fun and the frolic that surround December. Most of it is for a holiday that I do not even celebrate, and yet I still love it. People seem nicer. Sales seem bigger. Smiles seem wider.
This is the first year that Miranda almost sorta kinda understands the holiday season. She can say "Hanukkah" and she can say "menorah" and she has been able to say "presents" for as long as I can remember! Seeing the holiday through her eyes makes it that much more special.
We live in a happy bubble in our house. We read the news and pay attention to the outside world, but for the most part, we really just focus on us. One day the time will come when we will have to teach about tragedy and sorrow and pain, but we are not there yet. And I am not rushing it.
Internally, I have my own battles. Don't we all? Who am I now that I am not really working that much? Am I a stay at home mom? Am I a housewife? Am I still a writer?
Who do I want to be? What can I be?
I feel a mid-life crisis coming on. This past year I got a new tattoo and another piercing in my ear. I am not sure I want to do much else. But I feel this yearning for more.
I always want more. I am always looking ahead. I write about being mindful because I really want to be. And yet my mind races forward.
I feel this need to define myself and yet why? Why do I need a label? Why can't I just be who I am? Why do I make things so much harder for myself?
I can't answer those questions right now. I can be aware of them, though. Acknowledging them means they are real and then I can start to focus on them.
It doesn't matter how old we are - we are always changing and learning and growing.
It truly is the most wonderful time of the year!