Sunday, June 22, 2014

Dear Miranda

Someone I love recently lost someone.  Right before the funeral, a stack of letters was found, written by the deceased.  A letter for his wife and a letter for each of his children.  This man did not know that these letters would ever be found or read - he wrote them over a year ago before some routine surgery that he was worried about.  He came out of the surgery fine and forgot about the letters.  Luckily for his family, the letters were still there when they were needed, waiting to be read.

I keep thinking about this story and wondering - if something were to happen to me, would everyone I love know how much I love them?  I think the answer is yes.  I am a very open person and I believe strongly in hugs and affection.  I believe in letting those I love know and I believe that I have touched many people in lifetime (and have been touched by so many in return).

But what about those that can't really speak yet?  Those that are so young that their memories will not retain the laughter and smiles of the past few years?  My nieces all know I love them.  My nephews certainly know, too.  Allie surely knows as I have written her letters and talked to her in my dreams and seen her spirit in butterflies and sun bursts.  But what about Miranda?  Does she know?

She knows.  I know she knows.  But with the story above still lingering in my brain, I want to be 100% sure...

Dearest Miranda,

Hi sweetie.  It's mom.  I just wanted to take a few moments to let you know how much you are loved.

From the moment we got the call that you were here, nothing has been the same.  And in the best possible way!  You are everything that is right in our lives.  Your dad and I love you more than you can imagine.  More than you can ever know.

I love to watch you play when you do not know I am watching you.  I love watching you discover how to do something that just yesterday, you could not do!  I love dressing you up and taking you out for a day of shopping or playground fun or lunch with friends or family.  Or all of those things.  I love the way you grab my hand when you are navigating the steps because you know I will catch you if you stumble.  I love the way you open your mouth wide when we go outside so you can literally catch all the fresh air you can.  I love the way you lay your head on my shoulder when you want to be comforted.  I love the way your toes wiggle with delight when we tickle you.  I love the sounds you make and the words you are trying to form.  I love the way a bath is an adventure and how Zoe is your best friend, even though she is a cat and you step on her tail.  A lot.  I love the way you brought smiles and laughter back to our house and I love that you bring the best qualities of your dad and me out into the open.  I love when you are awake and I miss you when you are sleeping.  I love watching you sleep and love the way your skin is soft and warm when you wake.  I love your laughter.  Most of all, I love you.

I plan to be alive for at least 100 more years so I won't miss a thing in either of our lives!  Here is my contingency plan in case that does not happen.

I love you, my little rainbow.  Thank you for loving me right back.

Forever and a day,

No comments:

Post a Comment

The Grief Bomb

For years after Allie died, I was worried about each and every pregnant person that I knew. Or read about. Or heard a story about. If I sa...