Reflections

Why do bad things happen to good people?  That is the age old question, right?  More and more, I have been wondering what it would be like if Allie were here.  Would I be writing?  Would I be home with her?  Would she have had a sibling?  What would my life (and the lives of my family) been like had she not died?

I watched The Normal Heart on HBO the other night.  The basic premise is about a gay activist who attempts to raise HIV/AIDS awareness during the early 1980s.  It was so emotional to watch.  My father came out in the 80's. He lost many friends to AIDS.  He was tested every 6 months for this awful disease.  But when it first started spreading, he was a gay man who was very much in the closet and ashamed of who he was.  I think he could have easily gotten sick.  I think he was very lucky.  This movie made me think so much about how hard it must have been for him to be gay in that time in history.  I always thought about how his being gay impacted my mom and my brothers and me.  I am not sure I ever thought too much about how it impacted him.  I wish he was here now so I could tell him.

A woman saw me getting Miranda out of her car seat the other day at the mall and walked over to say how beautiful she was.  I politely smiled.  She said appreciate her. Love her.  Some people can't even have children, you know.  Yes, I know.  I kept smiling and then walked inside.

The company I freelance for has offered me a part-time job.  20 hours a week.  2 days in the office and the rest from home.  We are still working out the details but if it works, it could be amazing for us.  Miranda will get the interaction and social activity of day care for 2 days a week and I will get adult interaction and the chance to really focus on some work that I have been really enjoying.  Then the rest of the days I get to still have play dates and walks and giggles with my little girl.  More and more, it seems like being laid off last year was a bad thing that turned into a really really good thing!

We went to the Adoptions from the Heart Annual Picnic this past Sunday.  It was a beautiful day and we got to spend it with about a 1,000 others whose lives were touched by adoption.  Sitting on our blanket, watching the kids interact, catching up with our social worker and some of our friends, feeling the sun on our faces - it felt so right!  What an event!  What a reminder of the joy and happiness that exists because of adoption. 

On Saturday evening, I am going to a fundraiser with one of my dearest friends to help raise money for a family who's wife just lost her battle with breast cancer.  She left behind a husband and 3 kids.  That takes my breath away. The least I can do is help them out like so many people have helped us out.

Every day I watch the news and something appalls me.  Every day I watch the news and something gives me hope, too.  It's such an interesting dynamic.  Being happy.  Being sad.  Finding a balance between the two.

I try not to let the things I can't control overwhelm me.  I try to take life one day and at time - one hour at a time - one moment at a time and that works well for me.

As I said to my mom yesterday as she was leaving my house after a morning of errands and lunch, "Who would have ever thought it could be this good?"  In spite of it all, or maybe because of it all, it really is that good.