Now what?

So now we are home.  Time for life to go back to normal, right?  Only our definition of normal has drastically changed from what is was just a few weeks ago.  Normal is Gary going off to work without me so I can stay home and heal.  Normal is weekly doctor's appointments to check my blood pressure and my incision.  Normal is talking about our daughter instead of to her.  Normal is grief counseling.

Gary and I have been on the same page about everything since this ordeal started.  We both knew that it would be good to have outside help and to go to counseling.  And so far we have been twice.  And we really like it.   With the help of my brother (a social worker) and my best friend's mother (a therapist), we were set up with a counselor who specializes in Loss and Bereavement.   She is a very good listener and is giving us tools to handle what we are going through.   She is helping us work through how to help ourselves, help each other and help our loved ones.  She listens intently and does not judge.  We talk about depression and grief and anxiety all in a very safe environment and it is helping us both.  We will continue to go as long as it is beneficial to us.   There are support groups out there that we might try one day, but for now, the one-on-one sessions seem to be giving us both what we need.

We are planning some vacations now that our life new plans for us.   We are looking forward to a long weekend in Chicago in July and a trip to Las Vegas in the Fall.  We want to try to laugh and enjoy ourselves and make new memories - although far different than the ones we thought we were going to be making this year.  We want to see what we can and enjoy what we can because we are still here and we still deserve it.  And if we are fortunate enough, we will get pregnant again when our travels are through and then we can move forward with making Allie a big sister.  Cause we both think she would like that.

So we wake up each day and we try to get through - some days are better than others, that is for sure.  But we have each other and we have a strength that we never knew we had and when I look outside and see a day like today - with the sun and the birds and the nice, gentle breeze - I think we just might make it through this after all...