Why now?

I posted a picture of my before and during (not after...yet!) weight loss on Facebook last week and I got so many positive comments and "likes" that I kind of felt like a rock star. I also got a few personal messages of accolades. One of which was very simple. My friend asked, "What got it to stick this time?". It was a very good question.

This time I am not losing weight for anyone other than me. For me to be happy with myself. For me to be able to keep up with my daughter. For me to be able to grow old with my husband. For me to be able to look in the mirror and be proud of the person looking back at me.

In the past I dieted to get thin. Now I am dieting to get healthy. Another person I know who recently started the same plan, remarked to me that she is not calling this a "diet". She is calling it a "food routine". I think that is brilliant. Diets fail - routines do not!

I still have a long way to go. Once I get the rest of the weight off, I have to maintain it. That has always been the hardest part for me. But with my food coach and the support network that I have, I feel like it is different this time. This time I am making my struggle public, too - in the hopes that creates another layer of accountability.

This morning, Miranda and I drew flowers on the driveway in chalk. Then we played in the grass with sticks. Afterwards, I pushed her around in her toy car. Just normal outdoor play on a gorgeous Spring day. But on this day, I was not winded. I was wheezing. I was just a mom, playing with her daughter, and being happy.

All I want is to be happy. And to raise a happy girl. And to have a happy family. Losing this weight is just a part of it, but it's a big part of it for me.

I never lost the weight I gained when I was pregnant with Allie. I tried, but failed several times. I think it was safer to hide behind that weight. I did not want to feel good. I did not want to even look good. My body had failed me and it (and I) deserved to be miserable.

I finally understand that my body did not fail me. Nor did I fail my baby. Life just got in the way as it does sometimes. Things that are beyond our control took place. I did the best that I could and then some. It just wasn't enough.

I often think of Miranda as our second chance at a family and for that, I am forever grateful. And will make every effort to be forever happy.

So that's why now...