Last year on this very day, I was brimming with excitement as we were officially "in the book". At any moment, we could have been picked. I knew we were going to be picked. I knew we were going to be parents. I did not know it would be so soon and that if you fast forwarded from last year to this one, we would have a 10 month old! Take a trip back to 2013 here.
The the piles and pounds of ice and snow that we are having here are starting to drive me crazy. I want long walks in the park. I want short sleeves. I want sun! I want to be able to take my daughter out of the house!! It seems that no matter what I have, I always do want more! I guess that is just in the fabric of who I am.
With the Spring comes Miranda's first birthday. We already have a date set with her birth mother so that she can spend some time with us right around that big milestone. I have started to plan her party. But I am stuck. I have never planned a birthday party for a living child before. Sigh.
In a few weeks, my mom and I are going to an event that I am really looking forward to attending. I will meet other parents who have had to say goodbye to their babies long before their time. We will spend the day remembering Allie and all she taught us. We will honor her and remember her and I suspect it will be a very healing type of afternoon. There will be poetry and wine and that alone sounds good to me! I do not feel the pain of grief like I once did, but I do feel the pull to celebrate my first daughter, especially as I spend so much time and energy and love on my second one.
I suspect that once I come home from that event, I can plow forward with the plans for Miranda's party. Buy every rainbow decoration and sticker and outfit on the market. Think about the food. Wonder what we should get her. Decide how to decorate. Think about what we will serve. Find a bakery that will make a rainbow cake!
It's not hard to love both my girls, but it is hard to find the best way to love them equally. One I can shower with love and affection (and I do!) and one I need to actually set aside time to remember. I remember her every day, but I want to be able to celebrate her, too.
In a few weeks, the snow will melt. The birds will fly back. The flowers will start to bud and bloom. Then we can celebrate Miranda turning 1 and Allie turning 3. What a Spring it will be!
|Snow Day Selfie|
|Gram & Miranda|