Usually, I do my best thinking with words. My writing is a therapy session, and for a long time, I needed a lot of therapy.
It's been almost a month since I have blogged and I think that might be a record for me.
I am not proud of that record, but I am pleased that I need less and less therapy if that makes sense?
I have a new "sister-in-loss" if you will. A friend who is now walking in my shoes and is brave enough to reach out to me and share some of her feelings. Many of our talks have spiraled me back to the Spring and Summer of 2011, and it's scary and daunting, but it needs to be done. The only reason I was able to heal was that I also found my tribe when I needed them most.
Going back seven years, I am reminded of how damn sad I was all the time. Every time we passed a pet store, I used to ask Gary if we could adopt a new kitten. His answer was always the same. No. But why? Zoe, the cat we had, would not have been a fan of a new roommate. And a kitten would not take the place of a baby. I so desperately wanted to take care of a living being, but a cat was not the answer. Not then.
Fast forward to now. Zoe has been chasing mice in heaven for over two years (ok, fine...she's been sleeping and ignoring the mice). My heart is healed, as much as it can be. Miranda is five years old and able to help out. And I found a kitty that looks like just like a superhero. So it's finally time.
T'Challa (the one that looks like Black Panther) and his litter mate, Luke Cage (Miranda named this one), will hopefully soon be ours to take care of every day. To snuggle and love and cherish and play with and bring new life into our house. Not because we need it, but because we want it. That is a big difference.
These kittens were rescued and need a forever home. I think that home is ours.
I have also been thinking about me. I have not been putting myself first lately. In the work that I do, we talk a lot about self-care. I really need to be in a good place before I can be of any good to someone else. And I am not.
I can't remember the last time I laced up my sneakers or chose something healthy on a menu. What happened to me?
Life. Life happens. For me, it's easier to be "lazy' than smart. And it stinks because it's such hard work for me to be good to myself. By writing it down, I am hoping this action makes me more accountable. For my family, our new kitties, and for me!
I think we are all worth it.
