Living in the Present; Remembering the Past

Gary is traveling for business this week. Today he is in The Netherlands and tomorrow he will be in Sweden and Norway. We have certainly been apart before, but never for this length of time. He will not be home until Saturday night.

Our house is off balance without him here. The three of us work in such harmony that when one of us is gone for any extended amount of time, we feel it. A lot.

I often say that I barely remember what life was like before Miranda. I remember the raw grief and gut-wrenching pain of Allie’s death, do not misunderstand. In many ways, though, that seems like another lifetime. This lifetime feels like it belongs to Miranda. 

Today I was trying to remember what life was like before Gary. We will be married eight years in May and together for ten years in October. So I went to my memoir, which is so hard to write that it is taking FOREVER, and saw this excerpt. I felt it was appropriate to share now.

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I am not sure how many frogs you have to kiss before you meet your prince. I kissed my share. And I did more with a few others that I really should not have done. After many diets, I finally felt positive about myself, and I was ready to share my life with someone. I was in my thirties by this point, and I felt like a late bloomer. I had a good job. I had my own place. I was ready! Many of my friends were married and starting families, and I wanted in on the fun. 

So I played pool and went bowling and met for drinks and agreed to dinners. I went on online dates and blind dates and any date that came my way. One low point was sneaking out the back of a restaurant during one particularly awful date. I just kept at it, though…what other choice did I have?

One warm June night, I was sitting on the lap of a date, kissing my face off and thinking about how he wasn’t so unattractive if didn’t open my eyes. When we came up for air, my date asked me what kind of engagement ring I wanted. I got up and looked at him – really looked at him. He was a husky fellow, with a grease stain on his big and tall shirt, and beads of sweat forming on his brow. I silently banged my hand against my forehead. What was I doing???? Not to mention that he looked nothing like his online profile. I guess he used his Bar Mitzvah picture which was a good 15 years old. I wonder now if it was even in color? This guy was not what I wanted. Not now. Not ever. Maybe it was time to take a break from the dating world.
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Gary and I started dating that Fall. It was all an accident, really. We were co-workers who went out for drinks to celebrate a recent job promotion. The rest is history.

I know how lucky I am. I really do. I found someone who is just as likely to laugh with me as he is to laugh at me. I hope I never take it for granted, although I am sure that I do. I hope that I do it less as more time goes by.

Four more days till he is home...