Let's All Be Kids Today

I like Halloween. Always have. I like dressing up and pretending to be someone else. It's like an all-day acting class for me and being voted "Most Dramatic, Class of 1992" for North Penn Senior High School, it should come as no surprise that I like to put on a show.

Today is the first year that Miranda will be in school on Halloween. That means she gets to participate in the Harvest Parade around the school's parking lot and attend the party in her Pre-K classroom afterward.

I packed her Moana costume with such care and I told her that she will be able to spot me right away in the parking lot because I will have the most massive grin and (probably) the loudest cheering voice.

I am giddy with excitement and motivated to get all my writing done early today so that I can make it to everything on time. I feel a lightness that I did not expect to feel.

Then I realized why. Today is about Miranda. And Miranda only. It's not about what Allie should have been or would have been. It's not about the lost opportunities of my first child. It's not about my empty arms or my sometimes lonely heart. It's about the child that needs and deserves the full attention of both her parents today.

I am not sure what has changed. I am not sure if the universe shifted overnight while I was sleeping. I am not sure if it will shift back. All I know is that I woke up knowing that today was just about the little girl fast asleep down the hall and that was it.

I do not feel guilty for not making today about Allie. I feel a calmness knowing that I will not have to split my heart today. I cannot explain how or why I feel this way, so I am just going to go with it. It feels good. I feel good.

Today, we are all going to act like kids. We will play dress up and laugh and probably overeat candy. We will take pictures and soak in all the fun that we can on this one day.

Tomorrow, we can act like adults again. Or not. That is entirely up to you. I think I might try this kid thing a bit longer.

Happy Halloween!!