Or does she?
I somehow got lost earlier this year. I lost myself. In spite of doing everything I thought was "right", I was getting it all wrong. So what now?
The first step was to admit something was wrong. I was not feeling good about myself and I did not like that at all.
I am in a fortunate position in that my husband is super supportive. He wants me to be happy and is willing to sacrifice an awful lot to make that happen. So together we came up with a plan.
I gave my notice at work on Friday. This week will be my last one. Although there were some perks (a nice quiet commute, a desk with no sippy cups or juice boxes, dressing in grown-up clothes), it just was not for me. The job was not challenging and I was starting to get lazy. I am not sure anyone noticed the shift but me, but I was no longer proud of what I had done by the end of the day. I was staring at the clock and found myself more looking forward to the lunch specials in the cafeteria than the work I was doing. (To be fair, they have a really good cafeteria!).
So I am leaving. I am putting myself first. I am a writer and I want to write. So that is what I will do.
That may mean less time at Old Navy. That may mean no new Coach bag this season. That may also mean more time to run again and cook again and take care of myself again and more time to become the best version of me.
I was recently talking to someone about being a mom, specifically an adoptive mom. And how in some ways, that is extra special to me because that means that someone actually picked me to raise the child she created. That's a HUGE responsibility and while I think I am kicking ass at it (too modest?), part of being a good mom is to also be good to myself and to show my daughter what a happy and content woman looks like. It's more than a paycheck and putting food on the table - it's also about being personally fulfilled and taking good care of yourself.
Who knows what will happen next? I will finish up working this week and then next week, I will start my next chapter. One I am writing, so it better be good! I guess we will see...