Monday, April 6, 2015


We are all things Disney these days. From Frozen to "Mickey Mouse" and every character in-between. Miranda loves watching the characters come to life on the television and she loves to use her imagination to play make believe with them when the TV is off.  We recently recorded some new movies on our DVR since Gary and I both realized that we were singing different "Sophia the First" songs, by ourselves, when Miranda was not even around. We needed some new material.

Tangled was on the other day and Miranda loves "Rampumpl" (Rapunzel, for those of you that do not speak 2 year old). I do not want to give away the story for those who have not seen it, but basically, Rapunzel is taken from her parents and hidden away in a secret castle. Once a year on her birthday, the King and Queen (her parents) release sky lanterns, hoping for their daughter's return. Rapunzel sees the lanterns, but does now know they are for her.

Gary, Miranda and I were watching this movie the other morning and enjoying it very much.  Miranda was laughing at the "horsey" and singing along to some of the songs that she already knew from Pandora. At the end of the movie, Rapunzel is reunited with her parents. Ok, so apparently I did give it way, but it's Disney!  Of course she finds her way back home!

The problem is, that we are not Disney. We release balloons every year for Allie on her birthday and yet she will never see them. She will never make her way home to us. We will never know what she looks like as she gets older. We will never know what kind of person she might have been. We just won't.

I said it out loud and then turned to look at Gary. His face had fallen. He was thinking it before I even said it. No amount of balloons will ever bring our first born home. There is no happy ending for us.

But...that's not entirely true. Our happy ending is Miranda. Sitting there, on Gary's lap, oblivious to our pain. As I have said many times before, she does not make the pain go away and she does not make the longing for Allie any less, but she reminds us how to smile and laugh and have hope again. And she does it every single day.

Easter Weekend 2011 - I delivered Allie still. I was discharged from the hospital on Easter Day and Gary and I drove home in silence with an empty car seat and a memory box.

Easter Weekend 2012 - We went to Nashville to make new memories and managed to have a really nice escape.

Easter Weekend 2013 - Miranda was born. We had to wait to see her, but she was here and alive and ours.

Every Easter Weekend since - remembering, honoring, loving, living.

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend doing the same. Bring on the Spring! Oh, and watch Tangled next time it's on. It really is a cute movie...

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