"This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me" -Rachel Platten
I like the idea of having a fight song. I think it would come in handy on certain days.
For example, last week I had my annual appointment with my GYN. I do not dread those appointments like I used to, but I do not really look forward to them either. When I arrived, I talked to the receptionist whom I have known since I first starting using that practice. She is kind and thoughtful and always asks me quite genuinely how I am. She asked after Miranda and asked to see a picture. We were still talking when the nurse called me back.
The nurse was new to me. I am not sure how long she has been there. She brought me back to the exam room and took my blood pressure and made small talk about the weather.
Then she went over to the computer to review my chart. Was I still on these meds? Yes. Was there any change to my medical history in the last year? No? Then she said this:
"Well this can't be right. It says 1 pregnancy but no live births. I just heard you talking about your daughter!"
Really? Even there I have to explain stillbirth? For the 37 weeks and 1 day that I was pregnant, there was a big AMA on my chart for "Advanced Maternal Age". I felt old and wrinkled and asked why it had to be there. It just did since I was over 35 years of age. You mean to tell me that there is no code for stillbirth like UC "Use Caution" or TL "Tread Lightly" or even more to the point S "Stillborn". How hard would that be??
This is exactly why I need a fight song.
The nurse was not wrong. She wanted to back up into the wall and disappear when I explained that my first daughter was stillborn. Part of me wanted to back up there with her.
The rest of my exam went off without a hitch. I will be happy to not have to go back there for another year!
I do not know how to raise awareness for stillbirth more than just by writing about it. I feel strongly that there needs to be more awareness - from the doctors and nurses to the hospitals to the expecting parents and more. I just do not know how to do it.
In the meantime, I will borrow this fight song until I write my own.
"This is my fight song
Take back my life song..."
Ugh. I am so sorry that you had to confront this in this way. You are so right about the AMA thing, and the other endless notes that they go over at every appointment. Your blog is a great way to do it. I would also provide the feedback directly to your practice in written form. It would be an act of advocacy for all of their patients, and for every patient. How it can be that an OB practice nurse isn't aware that some babies die, is beyond me, but it seems like that's an unfortunate reality. Good for you for speaking up. Fight on! XO
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