Are you there God? It's Me, Samantha

Today I had one of the most unique experiences in my life to date.  Back in March of 2012, my mom and I learned of a Spiritual Healing Psychic that was supposed to be very good.  People raved about her.  We reached out for the first available appointments.  After waiting for a year and a half, our appointments were today.

We signed up for 2 sessions, but decided once we were there that we shared many of the same people and that we should have our sessions combined.  This was a good idea and a bad one.  Good for my mom who had tons of people that wanted to come through and bad for me who has NO patience and got frustrated waiting.  But in the end, it all worked out.

I do not know how spiritual healing psychics work.  What I do know is that I believe in life past what I can see or understand.

Many people from our lives came through to see us.  My mother, who lost her brother when he was just a little older than I am now, came in to say he was ok and that he was sorry he did not get to say goodbye.  My grandparents on both sides came through.  Gary's grandfather popped in to say he is always watching over his daughters and his grandsons and their families.  A husband of a long time family friend stopped by to say hello and asked us to pass on that he is always with her.  A father of another friend conveyed a message.  There was a lot of telling us that this person or that person was out there and watching us and loving us from afar.

Miranda came through as sunshine and rainbows which gave me goosebumps.  And then the Medium asked about my other daughter.  

She did not have a lot to say except that she was with my mother's parents and with my mother's brother and they were watching out for her.  She knew she was loved and she was ok.

We were there for 2 hours.  We recorded the sessions so we can go back and listen when we are ready to hear everything again. 

When we left, I felt empty and confused.  A few hours later, I feel joy and light.  I needed time to process it all and writing it down is helping me do just that.

There were lots of other things that came through that are impossible to explain.  People I have not thought about in a long time.  People I think about every day.  It was comforting to know that all the spirits are together and telling stories and laughing and protecting each other and us as much as they can.

I am not sure what I believe in anymore.  I have struggled since Allie's death to make sense of everything.  Does everything happen for a reason?  I am not sure I believe that anymore.  Will I one day understand why I carried Allie to term and yet I am not raising her?  To prepare for my session today, I went and looked at Allie's pictures from the hospital.  I saw her perfect little nose and her dark curly hair and her fully formed face and the tears started to flow.  How is it that she is not here??

Then I look at Miranda and know that if Allie were here, she would not be.

I do not think we would have adopted a baby if we had a 2 year old running around. 

I cannot imagine a life without Miranda anymore than I can imagine a life with Allie alive in it.

So to whomever is out there, please just promise me that you will keep my little girl close to you. Make sure she knows right from wrong.  Make sure she knows how to laugh.  Make sure she knows that she is loved.  Are you there?  Can you do that for me?

Images from my baby shower - April 2011