Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Dreams

Last night I had a dream that I was pregnant. I was meeting with a doctor in my practice that I have never seen before, but I knew his name. His office was full of boxes and papers and he assured me that he was gonna take care of this baby and that I was not leaving till I heard the heartbeat and he promised me that everything was gonna be ok. When I woke up, my heart was racing.

I got to work and turned on my computer and my sister-in-law who lives in Bulgaria sent me an instant message. She is 7 hours ahead of me now so she was already well into her day. She told me that last night, she had a dream that I was pregnant. Apparently, she and my mom and I were all squeezed into a bathroom looking at the test results which were positive and she had to convince my mom and I that I was pregnant because neither of us wanted to believe it.

 I am consumed with being pregnant. And now somehow, I have spread that half way across the world! I know I am not pregnant now, but maybe, somehow, there is a way this dream will come true. I want these dreams to make me happy, but all they do right now is leave me with a longing for Allie that is so intense.  If she were here, I would not even dream of getting pregnant right now. And yet, dream I do...

3 comments:

  1. I REALLY relate to this post. I haven't had a pregnancy dream in awhile. I hope your dream was a good sign for you! I truly believe you will have another baby, even though you will always want Allie too. And if I believe it can happen for you, maybe I can half-way believe it will happen for me. :)

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  2. I have read your blog for a while and tonight, I just had to comment. All too often I have dreams that I am pregnant again or that I am with my daughter (who I placed for adoption) in the hospital again...and then I wake up and reality hits me like a ton of bricks and I realize she is not here. Our stories are very different but both of us have children who are no longer physically with us, so I can relate all too well. Just know that I am praying for you!

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  3. Someday being pregnant won't just be a dream for you - it will be real!

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A Letter to My First Daughter

My Dearest Allie, It’s been a while since I have written to you. I find it easier to write about you than it is to write to you. ...