Monday, September 19, 2011

Road Trip

This past weekend, I went to Northern Virginia to visit my college roommate for her birthday. We have this tradition that we never miss a birthday. And so far, we have not.  Probably since we were about 19 or so.

It’s about a 3 hour drive and I was really looking forward to the mini –getaway. I have been very stressed out lately and I needed some time away from my thoughts and my anxiety and my fears. I could feel the stress lifting and I drove further and further South.

Upon my arrival, we decided to go out for lunch. We went to a local place and had sandwiches and just started catching up. We stay in touch via email the most, but there are phone calls here and there as well. But we had not seen each other since I was home on leave after delivering Allie. And that was a tough visit.

This time around, a few months later, we were both in a better place. The pain was not as raw, the grief not as palpable. So we were able to talk and talk and talk – about my pregnancy and the 37 weeks and 1 day of such happiness that I had. About the love and support of our family and friends that is hard to compare to anything I have ever experienced. About how much Gary and I want to be parents to a living child and how odd it is that I now have to say “living” child.

It was on my trip last year that I proudly told her we were expecting. We were both aware of that fact.
We decided to do some retail therapy after lunch, so we went to a local mall. But first we needed wine. So we had a few glasses at a restaurant in the mall and talked some more. We mostly window shopped and except for the Captain America and Spiderman spatulas at Williams Sonoma that were a must by for my superhero husband. We had a blast walking around and looking at all the merchandise.

Tuckered out, we went back to her place. On the ride back, I started to feel cramps. I had felt some on the way down but had tried to ignore them. Turns out my monthly visitor hiked a ride with me. Every time she comes, it’s a brutal reminder that I am not pregnant anymore and not pregnant again. We are THIS close to the time when the doctor said we can try again. I sure hope my body is ready by then. And my heart.

We had a brief happy hour at her place (can you sense a theme here?) and then decided to try the new Skinny Girl Margaritas and Mexican take out for dinner. Both were delish!! There was no shortage of food this weekend!!

Confession time – we LOVE Teen Mom. I am not sure why. She turned me on to this show last year and I can’t get enough. As hard as it is for me to see others being parents when I so much want to be, that feeling does not include these girls. So we got all settled in and fired up the TV and watched the most recent episode. We dissected each teen and her behavior and thoroughly enjoyed the episode. Sorry to hear the finale is this week.

 The other thing we did? We laughed. So hard at times that we both had tears in our eyes. We laughed at things that were funny and we laughed at things that were not really that funny, but made us smile anyway. We have always been able to laugh together and the last time we saw each other, there was not much laughter. Well, this weekend there was. The sound of us laughing still rings in my ears.

If life had worked out the way we planned, this visit probably would have been my first overnight away from Allie. I would have been calling home every 5 minutes to make sure the baby and Gary were doing ok. I would have been anxious to leave. I would have been anxious to get back. But life does not always work out the way you think it will. What I have learned is that good friends, strong bonds, laughter, margaritas, shopping and teen moms will not take the pain away, but they sure are a good way to spend some time while on the mend. I highly recommend them all! I am not the kind of person that can heal all by myself…I need a village. And luckily I have one.

So who knows where I will be in my life for her birthday next year. One thing is for sure, though. I will be with her, helping her to celebrate.


  1. So glad you had a nice visit with your friend! Sorry AF tagged along, but it is great news that you are so close to getting your green light to ttc. My head and heart aren't "ready", but I am as ready as I will ever be and I believe that for you too :)

    I used to love the train wreck that is Teen Mom, but after losing Addi I had to stop watching, the bad parenting was just too much for me to handle. I say whatever train wreck t.v. helps you to escape is good though :)

  2. Sam, I had a similar weekend with my friends! I think I'll write about it :) So glad you had a little break from being sad! Yay for TTC soon, too.


The Grief Bomb

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