It's been a whirlwind few weeks of activities, and changes and my daughter has blown me away with her adaptability and resiliency. We attended an Ice Cream Social at her school on Friday night, and before I knew what was happening, she was in line to do the limbo with a bunch of kids she did not know. She was laughing and sweating and having a great time.
Yesterday was her first day of Hebrew school. It's different than when I was growing up. We were all in the sanctuary singing songs and Gary leaned over to ask Miranda a question. With her eyes shut and her hands in the air, she shushed him because she was busy feeling the music. At one point, I thought she might ditch the zookeeper idea and consider rabbinical college!
Today we woke up, had breakfast, talked a bit about our weekend, and when it was time, we walked outside to the bus stop. We chatted with the neighbor kids and commented on the cooler temps. All was good.
Slowly the bus pulled up. One of the girls in Miranda's class rushed ahead to be first in line. Miranda had already told this girl that she wanted to be the first on the bus. The other girl, also five, either did not hear her or did not care. As soon as she jumped in front of Miranda, my daughter burst into tears.
So there I am, standing in my gym clothes and a ponytail, THIS close to being able to go for a walk, when my kid COMPLETELY BREAKS DOWN. Giant tears start streaming down her face. The other kids get on the bus. Miranda throws herself into my arms and will not get on the bus. She is crying and whining, and the cars are getting impatient waiting, and the kids are staring and wondering what is going on. I am fiercely trying to bargain and beg with a temperamental kindergartner to just sit on the darn bus and go to school, and I will make sure that the next time she takes the bus, she will be first in line.
I finally boarded the bus myself and got her into a seat. I heard the bus driver yell, "Run mom!" and I leaped off the bus, waved to the yellow blur as it pulled away, popped in my earbuds and went for a walk. I was sad and angry and frustrated and most of all, I felt like a failure.
Did I let my daughter down? Have I not given her the skills to deal with what happens when she does not get her way? Have a failed her?
One mile in, I started to calm down. "She's 5", I kept repeating in my head. She has had dozens of changes in the past month. She is doing great, all things considered. This behavior was just a blip. I hope.
She will be home in an hour. I just found this picture on my phone. I do not know how my camera got turned on in the struggle. Sigh.
I am sharing all of these details because it's real life. We are not all kitty cats and rainbows.
Nobody is.
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