When I first started to blog, it was because my friend Estelle had sent me an article that explained that there was a whole community of women who bonded over the loss of their babies by writing. I am not sure if I even knew what a blog was before then.
I always wanted to be a writer, but I never knew how to get started. I was also never sure if anyone would be interested in what I had to say.
Turns out that many of you are interested and have stuck with me all this time. I am not sure how I would have survived the empty and still house that I was forced to recover in had it not been for my laptop. I am not sure how I would have survived the wait for our social worker to call and tell us that a birth mother had picked us to be parents if it were not for the kind words and positive feedback I received from this blog.
I am the mom that I am because I am able to express myself in this space. It's impossible to put into words how grateful I am for that.
There is not much I do not write about - from depression and anxiety and loss and bereavement to happiness and rainbows and family and vacations. My writing is very much a reflection of my life. The good and the bad all mushed together with a pretty image or quote to make it that much better.
I received this note just last night, "I happened across your blog on Kveller... just wanted to reach out and let you know that your posts resonated." A complete stranger was moved enough to send me a note and let me know how my words made a difference to her. She is about to celebrate her son's third birthday of when he was born still and she was pleased to see she was not alone in her quest to honor her child that is not here with her.
It's such a fine line between wanting to grieve and be sad forever and also wanting to be free of the grief and live life. Knowing there are others out there is key. At least for me.
I am one of the lucky ones. My family and friends all remember our loss. I have to remember that they all lost someone, too.
We have been teaching Miranda about honesty and respect. She is just barely old enough to understand. It's so important to believe in those traits and to abide by them for yourself and for others.
I hope that my words continue to heal me...and maybe you, too. 94,791 views sure leads me to believe that they are!