This time of year, my Facebook and Instagram pages are flooded with images of kids heading back to school. Smiling back from all my screens are new backpacks and sneakers and outfits and haircuts galore. The parents are mostly happy to get their lives back on track and the kids are excited for their new adventures.
I remember the start of the new school year. Pouring over my class schedule in anticipation of what course would potentially change my life. Staring at the bus schedule and figuring out what time I had to leave my house and which corner I had to walk to that year.
My daughter is still in daycare and she is part-time. She goes all year round so there is no official start of the new school year. Last week was the last week of “camp” but all that means is that no bathing suit is needed to be packed for this week because they put the sprinkler into storage for the year.
My other daughter should be starting kindergarten this year. She should be getting a new backpack and sneakers and outfits and a haircut. But she will never have any of those things. She will never anticipate (or dread) a class. She will never ride the bus.
How do you go on with life when a life you were creating has stopped to exist?
Well, you can buy a backpack for a child who does not have the means to purchase one. You can throw yourself into your living child and make sure she wants for nothing. You can reach out to other parents who have suffered the same agony as you and remind yourself that you are not alone. You can take care of yourself, follow your dreams and start writing down your experiences and stories with the goal of healing yourself and others. You can do all of these things to honor your child and the life she should have had. You can keep her alive in you. Yes, that is exactly how you go on.
|Miranda heading to preschool|