This time of year, my Facebook and Instagram pages are
flooded with images of kids heading back to school. Smiling back from all my screens are new
backpacks and sneakers and outfits and haircuts galore. The parents are mostly
happy to get their lives back on track and the kids are excited for their new
adventures.
I remember the start of the new school year. Pouring over my
class schedule in anticipation of what course would potentially change my life.
Staring at the bus schedule and figuring out what time I had to leave my house
and which corner I had to walk to that year.
My daughter is still in daycare and she is part-time. She
goes all year round so there is no official start of the new school year. Last
week was the last week of “camp” but all that means is that no bathing suit
is needed to be packed for this week because they put the sprinkler into storage
for the year.
My other daughter should be starting kindergarten this year. She should
be getting a new backpack and sneakers and outfits and a haircut. But she will
never have any of those things. She will never anticipate (or dread) a class.
She will never ride the bus.
How do you go on with life when a life you were creating has
stopped to exist?
Well, you can buy a backpack for a child who does not have the
means to purchase one. You can throw yourself into your living child and make
sure she wants for nothing. You can reach out to other parents who have
suffered the same agony as you and remind yourself that you are not alone. You can take care of yourself, follow your
dreams and start writing down your experiences and stories with the goal of
healing yourself and others. You can do
all of these things to honor your child and the life she should have had. You
can keep her alive in you. Yes, that is exactly how you go on.
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| Miranda heading to preschool |
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