A great book should leave you with many experiences, and slightly exhausted at the end. You live several lives while reading.–William Styron
I had the unique opportunity to talk with a friend of mine today. Not email. Not text. Talk. On the phone. To be honest, I almost forgot my mobile device allowed for such things.
We talked about our children and we talked about our work. We talked about who we were before we were moms and who we are now. We both do not want to lose ourselves in being a parent, but know that our focus has shifted from when we were not parents. We talked about taking care of ourselves and how much that matters.
The idea of working in the city and commuting on the train and wearing nice clothes to an office every day used to very much appeal to me. Now the thought horrifies me. I want to see Miranda off and welcome her home. I want to be close by in case she needs me. I want to spend my time with words and thoughts as opposed to office politics and bureaucracy.
I blinked and Miranda is almost 2. I turned my back for a second and realized Allie would be 4 this Spring. Time is too precious to waste on things that simply do not matter.
My book is still be written. I learn that every day.
As much as Miranda comes first in so many ways, so must I come first, too. For if I do not take care of myself and make myself matter, then what use am I to her?
I have learned to set manageable goals. I have learned to be kind to myself. I have learned to accept the love and generosity of others. All of these lessons are making me the kind of person I want to be.
I still have a lot to do. I still have a lot to learn. But I am enjoying my book very much. I think that's the whole point, isn't it?