Saturday, December 7, 2013


For our anniversary, Gary got us tickets to see Pink.  We are both pretty big fans of her music and have seen some of her concerts on TV and they are pretty amazing. So he lined up a babysitter months in advance (Thanks, Uncle Paul!) and after months of anticipation, last night was finally here.

The show was amazing.  It was everything you would hope to see from a performer such as Pink.  Lively energetic acrobatics and great songs and catchy tunes and just the most amazing vibe in the whole arena.  I love seeing concerts but Gary (having seen so many growing up) had tired of going.  So part of my gift was that we were going together.  Standing next to him, clapping hands, dancing and singing along, a few lyrics got to me more than when I listened to them in the past.

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
cause you said forever
and ever

who knew

I felt like this lyric was crafted for Allie.  If three years ago someone told me she would be long gone, I would never have believed it.  Sigh. I am not sure the lyrics ever hit me like that before.

The rest of the show was more of a positive experience for me.  It was such a fun night and at the end, it was so nice to have a little girl at home waiting for us.  I feel so damn lucky that I am afraid to breathe sometimes.  I am worried if I blink, it will all go away.

In spite of our losing Allie, I still feel lucky.  Lucky to have known her at all.  Luckily that she led us on the path to Miranda.  Lucky to be Miranda's mom.

I do not mourn Allie like I once did - I celebrate her.  At least that is how I feel today.  I celebrate when her name is mentioned or when a memory pops into my head.  I am still sad when I think of all that we had planned for her and all that we wanted to do together as a family, but in general, I am smiling when I remember her.
I am starting to think about going back to work.  Since none of my loyal readers have offered me a book deal (ha!), I will probably need to make money some other way.  I interviewed at the adoption agency we used and that job seemed really great and interesting to me.  But there were 17 other people that interviewed and over 100 resumes.  So although I was in the running, it was not in the cards.  But I liked the idea of working professionally with an organization that personally has so much meaning to me.  I have not looked at a single job posting (that posting was sent to me by my brother who was looking at the time) but it's probably a good idea to start.  Is there a career in stillbirth awareness?  I think that is more of a personal crusade.  I could choose another avenue with regards to adoption to pursue.  Or I could see what is available in Marketing or Training that is close to my house and has decent hours and pays well and...oh man.  Maybe I will stay home a bit longer.

We got our court date - finally!!!  On December 18th, a judge will officially declare Miranda "ours".  Our close friends and family are coming to bear witness to this monumental event, almost 9 months in the making. To say we are excited is an understatement.  This is the last step in the adoption process and we could not be more thrilled. 

So here I sit with last night's concert still playing in my head with my husband playing on the couch with our baby so I can write.  It's not a bad life.  It's not bad at all.  It some ways, it's quite perfect.

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